Dear Fingernails

Dear Fingernails,

Please stop growing. Do you have any idea what you've done to my poor, defenseless legs? They're a mess now because of you.
I don't even seem to have the option of "oh, they're not that bad. I'll just clip them tomorrow." NO! I can't do that. Do you know why? Because I don't consciously scratch. I dont' know how or when to stop. And it's only worse when I sleep and scratch.
I am not a masochist. I don't want to be cut open because I have a tiny itch that I compulsively scratch. Whassamadda fo' you?
Why can't you just not grow? Make my life a tiny bit easier, because you know I can't just absent-mindedly chew on you either. Uh-uh. No way. I know where you've been, and I'm not putting you in my mouth whenever you need nibbling.
Ugh.

Exasperatedly yours,
Peat