Dear Josef

Dear Josef,

Happy last day of school.
I look forward to a bitchin' summer with you.

Mucho love,
HJfPMcP

Dear Frank

Dear Frank,

When I move in, we're gonna make no babies. We ain't gonna kiss 'n cuddle. We ain't gonna make my grandmothers and your parents the happiest people alive.
But we could if we wanted to.

Forks,
Peat

Dear Dan

Dear Dan,

Thanks for the lodgings. Dad and I had a wonderful time fishing despite the fact that we only caught 4 small fish in many, many hours of fishing.

I missed campfires a lot.
An all-around wonderful time for which I am truly grateful.

Love,
Peat

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

Thanks for letting me drive. Pretty cool how you're so cool.
Happy day after Fathers' Day.

I love you.

Fish!
Peat

Dear Hassam

Dear Hassam,

You totally just make invigilating worthwhile. You're so much fun and so adorable.
I hope I get to survey more exams with you in the summer term. We'll catch those crafty Asian girls who are always trying to check out other people's answers. And we'll totally handle emotional breakdowns like pros.
*high five* BEST INVIGILATION TEAM EVER!!!

Also, don't forget to smack your friends for always going to see movies without you.
I'll take you to see "Up" if you can't find anybody to go with. I want to see it, too.

Love,
Peat

Dear M_____

Dear M_____,

You may have noticed we're not friends anymore.
This is your fault.

Indifference,
Peat

Dear Family

Dear Family,

Stop making me so angry.

Love,
Peat

Dear Iran

Dear Iran,

You make me sad. Let's get this sorted out in a fair and just manner, eh?

Sincerely,
Peat

Dear University

Dear University,

I'm not registering at midnight for what reason?

Hate you,
Peat

Dear Indigo Staff

Dear Book-store Staff,

You're really disappointing my brother. He just wants the new book by his current favourite author. Why is that so much to ask?
The first time he went it, you told him it the release date had been pushed back a couple of weeks. So, he came back a couple of weeks later and you tell him June12.
We went in on June 12, it wasn't in. Okay, fine, it wasn't even really late as it was the same day.
But we tried it again today and you don't have it again. Every time he is told that, he gets the most dejected look on his face. It's really sad. He just wants his book! Give him his book!
Also, I'm not driving up to Limeridge again if you don't have the book at Eastgate. Not a good suggestion.
You've really let me (and my favourite-est person) down.

*Anger, anger*,

Peat

Dear Davey

Dear Davey,

Thank you for inspiring me to practice riding my bike with no hands. I can now successfully do so for several kilometers as long as I don't have to turn. I have the best place to practice on, too. The North Service Rd just goes on forever, straight to (or from) my house and is relatively turn-free. When there are bends, they are as such that I need only to shift my weight to get around them. It's fantastic! That's about 20 minutes of hands-free riding.
I have noticed that the longer I ride with no hands, the more my thighs hurt. This is fine with me, because I like the upper leg workout. Woot.
Anyway, this wonderful new development is all thanks to you, Davey. I will buy you some ice cream when we're in Toronto because it will probably be hot (the weather, not the ice cream!).

Thanks, buddy,

Peat

Dear Roary

Dear Roary,

I'm sorry I gave you such an uncreative name when I was a child... and that it stuck. And that now Linh makes fun of you.
Hey, Spork thought it was cute... Linh's just a poopy head (clearly).

Love,
Peat

Dear Spider

Dear Spider on my Bed,

Oh! Hi! I didn't know you were coming for a visit. I know we've never talked about this before, but I'd really prefer if you called first. Y'know, just to give me a bit of a heads up.
You go on and enjoy the warm day. Don't get caught by Nacho when you're in the backyard!

Love,
Peat

Dear Pets

Dear Pets,

Listen... you know I love you, but I cleaned the house today and do you know what I encountered? Massive amounts of pet mess. Granted, it was mostly fur, but I know for a fact that the floors were swept less than 48 hours before I did them and they were disgusting. In the basement, kitty litter on the floor. Around the dog bed, little crumbs and bits of mud.
So unpleasant. You're damn lucky I love you.
*sigh* Maybe your owner could clean up after you sometime? Ha.

Love,
Peat

Dear Gok Wan

Dear Gok Wan,

I agree; some women just need to look at other women's breasts to know they're beautiful.
In fact, everybody (well, maybe not Davey) should look at boobs. Just for the hell of it?
Yes. I think so.
Alas, I definitely would not go on your show. Nobody needs to see this.

Naked in my bedroom (not really, you don't have to picture that),
Peat

Dear Kyle

Dear Kyle,

Fun day together. Drivin' and singing along to Disney music, lengthy bus rides, Buskerfest, Apples to Apples, and FOOOOOOD! Man, that food was good.
Also, when I went to say good-bye, your mom kissed me in the neck. I don't think she meant to, but it was a very uncomfortable moment for me. Very uncomfortable... if you catch my drift.

Thanks for joining me on my adventure.

More vapours!

Peat

Dear Dundas Pt. 2

Dear Dundas,

I retract my previous letter which was rather incorrect in its preemptiveness. Buskerfest was not amazing because we showed up too early.

It's okay, it wasn't your fault. We randomly wandered. That was good. Good picnic too.

Love,
Peat

P.S. Picture = wandering.

Dear Dundas

Dear Dundas,

I won't be home later to write this letter, so it's going to be a pre-emptive thank-you note.
Thanks for a wonderful day at Buskerfest! It was so amazing. ... Details to follow?

Love,
Peat

Dear Kyle

Dear Kyle,

New fake boyfriend!
Seriously, this needs to stop. Why is it that my grandmothers are never around when I am out with a girl or when I have a female friend over? Why?
Perhaps it's time to stop passing up every opportunity to just say "ew, boys"?
Yeah. Methinks this is the thing.

Vapours and high five,
Peat

Dear H-Bomb

Dear H-Bomb,

Mortal Combat!!!!!!!!! Sub Zero was fun. I'm sad we couldn't unlock a new character. Maybe we can try again next week.

Thanks for the fun times!

Poofacex,

Peat

Dear Sick Family

Dear Sick Family Members,

I hope you feel better soon.
Lady, please just lay down and stop limping around in a pathetic manner. Not only are you not going to feel better if you keep getting up, you're starting to get in my way. It's frustrating trying to take care of the entire family while you're stumbling about.
Josef, you have horrible timing. To get strep throat the same day Lady had to get that huge-ass needle in her hip is the epitome of bad timing. Not only do I have to make sure she stays in bed while I wait on her, now I have to worry about you picking up your antibiotics, making sure you get them on time, somehow entertaining you when you're not out cold, keeping your temperature below 104 degrees fahrenheit, and waiting on you as well.
Tato, tomorrow, you're making your own damn sandwiches. I'm not making four lunches and three dinners again. Sorry, bud, but you're not sick so you're on your own.
Rainbow, quite puking all over the living room. That's disgusting. You're so lucky your mother's here and I don't have to clean it up, otherwise I'd just leave you to sit and cry in it at this point.
Bad luck, they say, comes in threes. Are we there yet?

Meliha, thanks for the haircut. The back's a little wonky, but I'll find somebody to fix the little turtle tail you left me with.

Get better,
Peat

Dear June

Dear June,

Here's hoping you're better than usual.
Here's hoping you're better than May.
Here's hoping I find work.
And here's hoping she figures it out.

Love,
Peat

P.S. Happy Pride month.