Dear K,
I think you should know, K, I don’t enjoy your shape. I have immense difficulties differentiating between your upper and lower cases. One of the few letters that is completely useful, you deserve a round of applause. My favourite words which you make possible are knowledge and kill. Way to be, K!
χαῖρε (Khai're),
Peat
9
Dear J,
What an interesting letter you are. You have the distinction of being one of the letters the Romans never bothered to use. Julius Caesar? Nope! Iulius. Sorry. I like when you’re pronounced like ‘Y’. You also happen to be my favourite letter to replicate in sign language. The nouns which I quite enjoy that you introduce include; Josef, jump rope, Jell-O, and jingle bell.
Jumalaga,
Peat
P.S. Nice tittle.
8
Dear I,
Usually long, but pleasant enough when short, you are a most delightful vowel. In the lower case, I think you’d be hard-pressed to find somebody who doesn’t enjoy your tittle. Some great words for which you are primarily responsible include itchy, irksome, and Italian.
Nicely done.
Iyakubonana,
Peat
18
Dear H,
Hardy, honourable… what more could one ask of a simple letter? I’ll tell you! Silence. I truly appreciate your silence in your weak form. Most letters are so pushy and loud, but not you, H. Keep up the good work!
Hasta la vista,
Peat
10
Reminder: It's Earth Day. Turn off your lights at 8:30pm!
Dear G,
The letter G and I are not currently on speaking terms. We had rather a messy falling out when I made fun of G’s sometimes double-story nature. I won’t give anymore details. You can ask G about it if you want.
Gero arte,
Peat
8
Dear F,
You have the distinct honour of being my second-favourite letter to write in cursive in English, but only in the lower case. You start off some of my favourite words (and I’m sure my readers will agree). You bring us food and fairies. Where would we be without frolic or fuck? My very favourite word starts with f: fugue.
Thanks, F.
Farewell,
Peat
16
Dear E,
If the alphabet was a high school and all the letters were the staff and students, E would be the students council president. Well-known, popular, and very busy because of the demands and responsibilities of the job. E is the most commonly used letter in English, French, Dutch, Czech, Danish, German, Swedish, Hungarian, Norwegian, Spanish, and, my personal favourite, Latin.
My favourite use for you, the whore of the alphabet, is as a shriek of excitement. Eeeee!
E yi zaande,
Peat
57
Dear D,
I think you get a bum rap, D. Perhaps it’s the fault of the letter grade. Or, it could be that the saying goes: “You can never go wrong with C,” rather than: “You can never go wrong with D.” Still, I think you’re a great letter. You start some great words; dragon, dinosaur, documentary, and doodle. Way to be, D!
Oh, no! We can't forget that D also stands for Davey!
До побачення (Do pobachennya),
Peat
18
Dear C,
We have to talk. The name you go by can be so misinterpreted and I feel bad. See, sea, si… even in French; c’est. Poor tertiary letter; you just can’t catch a break. Anyway, I just thought that you ought to know, should the alphabet be re-evaluated and subsequently reformed, you will be the first to go, because you can be replaced by S or K quite easily, and in ‘ch’ situations, we could always resort to Ч if need be. Sorry to have to be the one to break this to you. I’m really quite attached to you.
Ciao,
Peat
14
Dear B,
While A is definitely a tough act to follow, you hold your own. As the first consonant, you have the grave responsibility to enhance words such as brilliant, Bosporous, and blue whale (which, Alan, is surprisingly never the answer). You are the “be” all and end all of second letters. Also, you kind of look like a bum. That’s cool.
Bis später,
Peat
8
Dear A,
First in a long line of wondrous characters, you are the beginning of many wonderful words. Verbs such as act and allude make our vocabulary more interesting. Where would I be without some of my favourite nouns? Arch, apple and Amanda. Thank you for being one of my favourite vowels.
Arrivederci!
Peat
25
Dear Grandma,
When you call and ask me about my social life, you make me laugh. If you ask me again, “Are you with the same group?” I will probably laugh in your face. It’s never the same group. That’s why it’s fun. And yes, Grandma, we are ‘mixed’ in that both boys and girls go, but that is not generally an issue for ANY of us. When you ask, “Is there anybody special?” I am clearly not going to answer you honestly, because then you’ll ask about her!
Sometimes, things are better left unknown. I’m not sharing. Sorry.
Love,
Peat
