Dear Randal

Dear Randal,

I'm sorry that I didn't acknowledge you when you said hi yesterday. I honestly was just so engrossed in Suzi that I was not paying attention to anything else.
I will make it up to you by saying hello every time I see you for the rest of my life.

Sincerely,

Peat

Dear Self

Dear Self,

... And how exactly did you manage to survive this long?
Seriously, you ought to be dead.

Love and best wishes,
You

*Ahem* Hint.

Dear Hagop

Dear Hagop,

Thanks for making invigilating entertaining. Pulling faces with you is just as fun as pulling faces with Supermuffin.

Happy Friday,
Peat

Dear Schoolwork

Dear Schoolwork,

I have no motivation to complete you. I think the only thing that kept me going the other three years was the fact that I had to keep my A average to retain my scholarships. Now that the university will no longer pay for me to go to school, I don't see the point in trying as hard.
I hate that I have adopted this attitude. The big problem is, I still expect to get the high grades I'm used to getting... but what about the work?!? I just don't want to put in the effort anymore.
Chances of me getting a 10 average this year: I'd say about 40%. Doesn't seem that bad, now that I think about it.

Maybe it will be easier to work tomorrow? Please wait a moment while I try to stop laughing.

I am forever yours in the spirit of procrastination,

Peat

Dear Davey's Acquaintane

Dear Davey's Acquaintance,

He is not impressed.

From,
Peat

Dear Blog and Readers

Dear Blog and Readers,

So much for a daily blog. Here's the thing...

Sometimes, things come up in life and turn everything upside down. For better or worse, things change more than you can ever imagine.
Luckily for me, this is a "for better" situation. All I have to say for my absence on this blog is "c'est la vie." I have had letters to write and I shall continue on with this, but I have a feeling my goal of 365 blogs in a year is going to have to be counted as a failure. I'm not behind yet, but I probably will be soon.
Please forgive me for my lack of posts. I know you will. You're awesome like that.
In other news... hey, guys... got me a girlfriend. Intelligent, beautiful, funny, and, most importantly, tolerant of me!
We shall soon explode in a burst of cuteness.

Smittenly yours,
Peat

Dear Housemate #6

Dear Housemate #6,

Love,
Peat

Dear Lizard

Dear Lizard,

You started a delicious war of icing.
I will post your picture once Housemate #6 sends it to me.
You will be a most delicious lizard. I know it.

Love,
Peat

Dear Linh

Dear Linh,

You better tell me why the hell I had to leave the room so you could talk to Suzi.
You know very well that I am now freaking out. That was not nice of you... especially because I have to pretend like I'm not freaking out.

Happy birthday, my dear. You are so lucky it is or I would be over there demanding explanations.

Love,
Peat

Dear Self

Dear Self,

Count 'em.
1, 2, 3.
What am I doing wrong? Time to not be friends with people. Wouldn't want to give the wrong impression.

Love,
You

Dear Linh

Dear Linh,

I'm sorry I will not be drinking with you during your birthday celebrations this evening.
Suzi and I, however, did make you a beautiful *cough, giggle, cough* cake to share with your party guests.
I look forward to seeing you later.

Mucho loves,
Peat

Dear Housemate #6

Dear Housemate #6,

No more Spice Girls drinking games for me for a while. I'm sorry.

Love very much,
Housemate #3

Dear MacSci

Dear MacSci,

Way to get out there and vote. You totally kicked engineering's butt in the poll turnout.

Love,
Peat

Dear Self

Dear Self,

Good on you. Way to be an upstanding citizen.

Love,

You

Dear Tim

Dear Tim,

Thanks for giving me the blankest look in the world when I said hello to you in the basement. Real nice.

With Unadulterated Loathing,
Peat

Dear Housemate #6

Dear Housemate #6,

You are sitting beside me. Hello.

Love,
Peat

Dear Davey

Dear Davey,

Former Housemate #1 had some issues about which I have not inquired. She has left our household. If you have the money, I think you need to move in here now before somebody else takes the room. You can be our ethnic diversity if you do.
If not, if anybody else who's reading this is looking for a new place, I would absolutely adore not having a stranger living a few steps away from me in the basement.

Love,
Peat

P.S. Being sober after sad drunk times is worse than being drunk during sad drunk times.

She ruined our pho outing. Bitch!

Dear Vodka

Dear Vodka,

Thank you for making me drunk before 6.30.

Love,
Peat

Dear Nick

Dear Nick,

You're nice. I hope you hire me.

Kind regards,
Peat

Dear Mac Library

Dear Mac Library,

Thanks for saving my butt on that paper I fudged.

Love,
Peat

Dear Brian Setzer (and Orchestra)

Dear Brian Setzer (and Orchestra),

I have jumped. I have jived. Then, I have wailed away. Please, ask my papa to get out of the ice box. I got no ale in there.
Also, you lied. A woman is not a woman. And a man ain't ain't nothin' but a man (triple negative? What does that even mean now?).

Anyway, I kinda want to jump, jive, an' wail s'more.

Let's do it,

Peat

Dear Peanut Butter

Dear Peanut Butter,

Oh, how I missed you this past week. It was definitely a week in which the comfort of peanut butter could have been used.

Thankfully, I can have it all I want here.

Toast,
Peat

Dear Sears

Dear Sears,

Thank you for my new coat.

Thank you for the extra 10% off with Scratch & Save. That's on top of the already 30% the coat I chose.
Delightful. We basically got two coats for less than the price of one.

A New Fan,

Peat

Dear 1280

Dear 1280,

Today, I saw a sign on your door advertising something called "Mo-vember" (i.e. something that starts with "mo" in November). While I realize that my brain is polluted and not full of the purest of intentions, all I got from that sign was that November is homo month.
I didn't read the rest of it. Why would I? It would just ruin my giggle.

Counting down to Movember,

Peat

Dear Spice Girls

Dear Spice Girls,

Thank you for spicing up my life ten years later. You rock.

Love,
Peat

Dear ____

Dear ____,

Sleepovers for the win.

Love,
Peat

Dear Dr. John

Dear John,

Stay the hell out of my dreams. You and the brother I made up for you.
Also, I don't care about your drug problems. Keep that stuff to yourself during lecture.

Anger, anger,
Peat

P.S. Tell Nathan that I said hi.

Must find Nathan so he can save me from this life-or-death financial situation!

Dear Brad

Dear Brad,

You make an adorable teddy bear.
Thanks for watching out for Rainbow. Also, thanks for not smelling terrible. I really do appreciate that.

Regards,
Peat

Dear Davey

Dear Davey,

You need a break from school and work when you believe that orgasms come from fingers touching shoulders.
It was so nice to see you yesterday. It made me very happy. I missed you a lot.
I hope you have fun at Nuit Blanche.
Mucho love,
Peat

Dear Housemate #1

Dear Housemate #1,

Please wipe up your hair, and keep it out of the drains and stuff. I'll take care of the rest. Really, I don't mind very much.

Love and sponges,

Housemate #3

No, but I'm afraid of what else it might be breeding.

Dear Face

Dear Face,

Thank you so much for giving me away. I know I feel sick. I know I act sick. But do you really think it's necessary to make me look so sick?
Reddest, rawest nose of life. Watery eyes. Puffiness like you wouldn't believe.
C'mon. Give me a break.

Love,

Peat

Dear Nose

Dear Nose,

Come back!

Sniff,
Peat

Dear Amy

**Note to not Tiffany: Amy is the lovely woman with whom Tiffany shares an office. They are a funny pair of friends. I met Amy when I brought Tiffany a muffin one day as an excuse to go visit her in her office and possibly catch a glimpse of the hot prof. who resides in the office across the hall.**

Dear Amy,

I am sorry for not properly acknowledging you on the elevator yesterday. I recognized you when you got on with Dr. Moro, but I could not remember your name for the life of me, nor could I remember how I knew you. I felt really bad when you greeted me and I was obviously still in that train of thought that indicated I didn't know who you were. After you got off the elevator and I got out on the basement level, your name popped into my head and I knew who you were. I mentally slapped myself upside the head for not having been more courteous.

I do apologize. Please do not take offense to my non-acknowledgement of our having met.

I hope you're having a wonderful day in the office with Tiff. 11 o'clock? That's about lunchtime, right?

Best,

Peat

Dear Tiffany

Dear Tiffany,

Apparently, we must go dancing together. I do not have any coordination. I will be the most foolish person there, but I have a feeling it could prevent any further dreams about me stealing your girls. Also, I think you know that I'm reasonable enough that, if that ever actually came up, you could totally just say: "I know you didn't know, but that one's mine."
I'm curious about my attire in your dream, as well. If you remember, let me know. Did I get all fancy and wear a dress to go dancin'? Or did I wear my usual attire which gets Fruity Beans hot 'cause he thinks I'm a dude?

One final thought in this letter to you, a friend with whom I chat almost every day so it sometimes seems silly to actually write you a letter; I really do feel bad about not recognizing Amy until it was too late. Bad enough that today is a double-letter day.

Love,
Peat

Curious? This is what comes up if you search for "Lesbian drama" on Google Images.

Dear Self

Dear Peat,

STFU. Seriously, shut the fuck up. Every once in a while, just shut up and think when you're about to say (or type) something.
Don't be such a douchebag to people you love.

And Tiff thought she was a jerk. Tiff, you ain't got nothin' on me, babe.

Swimming in a sea of regrets and apologies,

Yourself

Dear Family

Dear Family,

Don't talk to me about school anymore. Just... don't. Ugh. Especially not getting a masters. Not going to happen.
Don't worry, I still love you.

Love,
Peat

Dear Lady

Dear Lady,

Happy birthday to my most favourite person of life.

Thank you for everything ever. You're the best.
Cupcakes will be waiting when you get home.

Love,

Margaret

Here's hoping your birthday wish comes true this year and Ewan comes to visit you at work because he needs to be measured for a new kilt

Dear Friends

Dear Friends,

Please do not be alarmed, but I thought you ought to know that I have a strange growth protruding from my person.

I'm not too concerned about its nature. I honestly don't think it's cancerous.

It's roughly the size and shape of a small cat. It's covered in think black fur and has a tendency to oddly vibrate when touched.

I first noticed its appearance when I got home yesterday. The oddest thing about the growth is that it changes positions on my body quite frequently. For example, at dinner last night, it was near my feet, but it was closer to my groin area when I was watching television later on. And when I went to bed, it had moved again to my upper chest/ neck area. Currently it is connecting both of my arms at the elbows (making this blog excessively difficult to write).

Anyway, I just thought that you should know what's going on. I'm going to include at the end a picture of the growth to give you an idea of what I'm going through.
If you have any thoughts about the nature of my ailment or ways in which I might deal with it, I'd appreciate your input.

Hope you all have a pleasant weekend,

Peat

Dear Angela

Dear Supermuffin,

Not that kind of "Beaver Fever."

Love,
Peat

Supermuffin to the rescue!

Dear Fruity Beans

Dear Fruity Beans,

You have redeemed yourself.
It's nice not being able to stay angry for very long.

Love,

Peat

"I'm going to nap in your lap until you like me again. Now... pet my head."

Dear SOoH#7

Dear SOoH#7,

Stop making her upset or I will smash your face in.

That is all,
Peat

Dear Hugh Laurie

Dear House,

You should rap more. That was awesome.

Love,
Peat

Just another man who could 'take my temperature' without me shuddering

Dear Housemates

Dear Housemates,

Please take out your garbage.

Love,
Housemate #3

If you don't, I will be grouchy.

Dear "Fruity Beans"

Dear Fruity Beans,

Perhaps you could think twice about what you say to me when I'm just having a bit of fun.

I wish you simple happiness. I would like for you to be able to take joy in something uncomplicated, something not cruel, and possibly even something without sexual connotations. It makes me sad that you find this so difficult.

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day (to all),

Peat

"Hey, guys! Guess what. I'm a jerk because I'm very sad inside."

Dear Konstantin

Dear Konstantin,

Hi. You're sitting beside me.

Love,
Peat

Konstantin says: "OH MY GOD!"

Dear Jay

Dear Jay,

You're a douche.

With loathing,
Peat

Dear Housemate #7

Dear Housemate #7,

Thank you so much for our adventure today. It was positively grand.

It was so nice of you to drive (even though you did because you didn't want to take the bus... still good of you) to the Creek with me. Ice cream was good. I'm glad I could at least partially repay you.

You were just so sweet to me today. You even waited for me while I went to get my OSAP (which I didn't get because they're poop faces). So sweet.

Anyway, you just made my day full of nothing particularly wonderful a delight and it was great.
Thank you again.

Love,

Housemate #3

Didn't cut you out of the picture, Linh... 'cause I'm mean enough to you already.

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

I made cupcakes for you. Left them on the counter. Don't eat them all at once or you'll get sick.

Love,
Your Favourite Daughter

Dear Josef

Dear Josef,

I like taking you to the movies. You're adorable.
Do you know what makes you even more adorable?... How about the fact that, since I got my hairs cut, we now look eerily similar again.
Let's go try on some of your clothes and freak people out when they see me driving!
Here's hoping 9 lives up to my Burton-ly expectations.

Love,
HJfPMcP

Dear Housemate #2

Dear Housemate #2,

Do not come into my room under the guise of wishing to use my computer so you can tell me something rather disturbing in a nonchalant manner ever again.

If it comes up again, just clarify for the wankers: "Not that it's any of your business, but no, we're not sleeping together."

My sincerest apologies if my being here is going to produce unwarranted drama. I hate women.

With a moderate amount of disdain,

Housemate #3

__________________________________________________________

Dear Anybody-Who-Was-A-Catalyst-For-This-Situation,

F*** off.

With a great amount of disdain

That B**** Who's Gonna Treat You Less Respectfully If She Finds Out Who You Are